Mangled Macbeth, Act 2

Mangled Macbeth

Written by William Shakespeare.  Abridged, translated, and slightly mangled by Melinda Brasher.

Act 2 Scene 1

MACBETH:  Is this really a dagger in my hand?  Is there blood on it yet?  The world has truly gone crazy.  Well, I suppose I should go kill the king.

Act 2 Scene 2

LADY MACBETH:  What's taking so long?  Why isn't the king dead yet?  If he didn't look so much like my father, I would have done it myself.

            Enter Macbeth, with bloody daggers

MACBETH:  It's done.  But I heard a voice crying, "Macbeth shall sleep no more."

LADY MACBETH:  For crying out loud, pull yourself together and wash your hands of his blood.  And why did you bring the daggers here?  Go smear the sleeping grooms with them. 

MACBETH:  I'm afraid to look at what I've done. 

LADY MACBETH:  Weakling!  I would be ashamed to have a heart so white and frail as yours.  Give me those daggers.  I'll do it.  Go put on your nightgown and go to bed.

Act 2 Scene 3

MACDUFF:  We sure had a wild night last night.  Is the king awake yet?

MACBETH:  No.

MACDUFF:  I'll go wake him.

            Exit Macduff

LENNOX:  We sure had a wild night last night.

MACBETH:  Yes, 'twas wild.

            Enter Macduff

MACDUFF:  Horror!  Horror!  Horror!  Most sacrilegious murder!

MACBETH:  What?

MACDUFF:  Approach the chamber and you will blind yourself with the hideous sight.  I cannot speak of it.  Murder and treason.  Oh, Lady Macbeth, 'tis not for a woman's ear to hear of this murder.

LADY MACBETH:  Woe!  Alas!  In our house?

BANQUO:  Say it isn't so!

MACBETH:  I wish I had died before I had to see this.

            Enter Malcolm and Donalbain, the king's sons

DONALBAIN:  What's wrong?

MACBETH:  You are, but you yet know not.  The spring and fountain of your blood is stopped.

DONALBAIN:  Dude, speak English.

MACDUFF:  Your father's murdered.

MALCOLM:  By whom?

LENNOX:  His grooms, it looks like.

MACBETH:  And woe, in my grief and loyalty I killed them.  I couldn’t stop myself.  I loved the king so much.

LADY MACBETH:  Help!  I faint!

MALCOLM [aside]:  Brother, let us flee, I to England, you to Ireland, before our father's murderer strikes again.

DONALBAIN:  Aye.  There are daggers in men's smiles.

Act 2 Scene 4

OLD MAN:  Dreadful things are afoot.  Strange omens foretold this.

ROSS:  Does anyone know who killed the king?

MACDUFF:  The grooms, we think, hired by someone.  Since the king's sons have fled, we suspect them.

ROSS:  A sin against nature!  I suppose, then, the crown will fall to Macbeth.

MACDUFF:  He's already gone to Scone to be crowned.

Click here for Mangled Macbeth Act III
To read from the beginning, click on Mangled Macbeth Act I
Also Check out "Shakespeare:  "Therein Lies the Confusion"

And "It's Okay Not to Like Shakespeare"